By entering The Jug Handle, you agree to several terms that are almost certainly unenforceable and may have been drafted in the parking lot of a QuickChek.
We reserve the right to commit imaginary mail fraud, conceptual horse theft, light piracy, aggravated misuse of a jug handle, possession of an unlicensed Adirondack chair, interstate transport of suspicious lawn furniture, conspiracy to overthink signage, and first-degree failure to merge.
Visitors are strictly prohibited from obeying all applicable laws at the same time. At least one obscure municipal ordinance involving leaf collection, decorative geese or backing into a driveway must be violated before accessing premium content.
Any disputes shall be resolved through binding arbitration before three retired diner waitresses selected at random from Morris County. Their decision is final, especially if they call you “hon.”
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Nothing on this site constitutes legal, medical, financial, navigational, veterinary, maritime or toll-extradition advice. If you relied on The Jug Handle to make a major life decision, our attorneys would like to know why you skipped every other website first.
No animals were harmed in the drafting of these terms, although several fictional beavers remain furious about the tree listing.
Actual notice: This page is satire. Please do not commit crimes on our behalf. We have no bail budget.